Life is Not Fair

I made a fatal mistake early on raising the kids: I tried to do everything fair. If I bought a shirt for Mark, then I also bought one for Andrew and Emily. I went down this path partly because I thought that way the kids would all grow up knowing they were equally loved and I had no favorites. I also went down this path because I am lazy. I could buy 1 toy for $5.00 and have to deal with three kids fighting over the 1 toy, or I could buy 3 identical toys and have a brief moment of sanity. For the price of an extra $10.00, I always picked sanity.

I should have known this was a bad path for parenting when the boys were in kindergarten. They started to keep "track" of how many birthday parties they each got invited to, how many books I ordered for each of them from the book orders, how many times they each got to sit in the front seat of the car, etc. How they could keep "track" of all of these things and not memorize spelling words is one of life's mysteries.

At some point, I snapped. All of the bickering about something not being "fair" just pushed me over the edge. I decided it was time to institute an immediate flip-flop in mommy policy positions and instituted a full blown campaign to demonstrate that life is NOT fair. We engaged in some community service activities to show the kids that some families can't afford to buy school supplies when school starts or presents at Christmas. I stopped trying to be "fair". If I found clothes on sale for one kid, the other two were out of luck (and I was too because I was addicted to buying quiet moments of sanity and the "out of luck" kids did not take kindly to the new campaign).

A few years later, and the kids have steadfastly refused to accept the lesson that Life is Not Fair. I have not given up the campaign, and I use every opportunity to reinforce it. Last night, it was Shawn Johnson's performance in the all-around gymnastic events. The judging is subjective, and our family thought she deserved a higher score on the uneven bars. She ended up with the Silver Medal. Lesson to kids: See, Life is Not Fair. Second Lesson to kids: Look at how she just accepted and appreciated the medal she did receive. That attitude is what I can only dream my kids have as they get older - despite the rocky path I started them on when they were younger.

Life is not always fair - but it is how you handle the challenges that really matter.