A Mom's Musings

Swim Meet

2009-07-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again - swim meets! All swim meets begin with warm-ups. Warm-ups usually start at 6:30 a.m. So while the kids are swimming, I'm drinking as much coffee as I can to wake-up.

Andrew (black goggles) and Mark are getting ready to start back the other direction ...and wondering why their mom is taking a picture of them in warm-ups! Actually, I'm wondering the same thing because I should be drinking coffee to wake-up!

After warm-ups, it is time to wait for the first race to begin. The best part about waiting for races...SNACKS!

The first event is a Medley relay. Mark is contemplating the meaning of swimming...or more likely thinking about the candy at the concession stand.

Andrew is getting ready to push off as soon as his teammate touches the wall. Andrew is the anchor of the team. Such pressure!

Next up is Emily's relay team in the 3rd and final heat. Emily's team is in lane 1 (out of 8). Since the fastest teams are in lanes 3 and 4, Emily's team needs to race hard to win.

Emily is in the water ready to go. She is thinking about how she is going to make the other teams eat her bubbles.

And she is off.

She is swimming the 3rd leg - the breast stroke. Their team ended up placing 4th out of 8th - a great team effort.

Emily is getting ready to dive in for her 100 freestyle individual event.

Emily is swimming strong - she is pulling ahead of the swimmer from Aberdeen in the first 50 lap.

But the second 50 lap is harder - the swimmer from Aberdeen is pulling ahead.

Emily ended up placing 2nd in the heat - and cutting almost 5 seconds from her time in the 100 free event from last week. I need to get better at taking pictures of the finishes. It is too hard to cheer (aka yell "Go Emily" until my voice is hoarse) and take pictures at the same time. The funny thing about cheering for swimmers is that the kids tell me they can't hear me when they are in the water...but it does make me feel better to cheer for them (and I fit in with the other screaming moms!)

The next swim meet is this weekend in Brookings. State times are within reach of all three kids. And if Mark or Andrew gets a state time, Dan has promised them a puppy. So, send good luck to the boys this weekend!

Parent-Teacher Conferences

2009-02-02T10:10:00.000-08:00

Our school is trying something new this year - "student" led evaluations aka parent-teacher conferences. In this process, the child and parents meet with the teacher to discuss his/her progress, to seat goals and agree on areas of improvement. I think this practice is good - but I don't think it should completely replace the more "traditional" parent-teacher conference. Why? Because I don't want to discuss my hyper-sensitive worries about the kids with the teacher when they are present! For example, I don't want to ask the teacher about my concerns about Andrew and Mark's social skills (or lack thereof) when they are present. So...I can e-mail my concerns to their teachers, but then I am missing out on the dialogue. I can arrange to have another meeting with the teacher, but that seems inefficient.

It just seems strange to go for an all or nothing approach, instead of just doing a mix of the two different styles.

Cooking With Kids

2008-11-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

I grew up learning how to make a few things from my mom, and I could follow simple recipes. I decided in Colorado that I wanted to learn how to cook and I took classes at a local culinary school. Since then, cooking has become one of my favorite things to do.

When the kids were little, their "help" in the kitchen was limited to stirring things or frosting cupcakes or cookies. A few months ago, I started looking for recipes that the kids can help me make - a way for us to spend some time together and hopefully inspire them to become cooks as they get older.

I thought that I would post some of our tried and true favorites, starting with one of the easiest and most fun recipes for the kids: Monkey Buns.

I think Monkey Buns are a midwestern specialty - take frozen bread dough and turn it into gooey caramel rolls. The recipe follows, with my commentary on how the kids help with the recipe.

Ingredients:

2 (1-pound) loaves frozen white bread dough
1 1/4 cups sugar, divided
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup 1% low-fat milk
1 tablespoon reduced-calorie stick margarine
1 3/4 teaspoons ground cinnamon, divided
Cooking spray

Thaw bread dough in refrigerator for 12 hours.

Combine 1 cup sugar, brown sugar, milk, margarine, and 1 1/4 teaspoons cinnamon in a small saucepan. The kids usually measure everything and put it into the pan. Bring to a boil; cook 1 minute. Remove sugar syrup from heat; let cool 10 minutes.

Combine 1/4 cup sugar and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon in a shallow dish; stir well. We double the ingredients here. The kids measure the ingredients in a measuring bowl, and I divide up the mixture into 3 bowls. Cut each loaf of dough into 24 equal portions. Roll each portion in sugar mixture; layer balls of dough in a 12-cup Bundt pan coated with cooking spray. The kids have fun with rolling the dough in the sugar mixture. To cut down on the mess, put the bowls over a cookie sheet to catch the extra sugar mixture that mysteriously spills. Pour sugar syrup over dough; cover and let rise in a warm place (85°), free from drafts, 35 minutes or until doubled in bulk.

Preheat oven to 350°.

Uncover, and bake at 350° for 25 minutes or until lightly browned. Immediately loosen edges of bread with a knife. Place a plate upside down on top of pan; invert onto plate. Remove pan; drizzle any remaining syrup over bread.

Yield: 24 servings (serving size: 2 rolls)

CALORIES 201 (10% from fat); FAT 2.2g (sat 0.5g,mono 0.8g,poly 0.8g); IRON 1.4mg; CHOLESTEROL 0.0mg; CALCIUM 41mg; CARBOHYDRATE 40.1g; SODIUM 302mg; PROTEIN 5.2g; FIBER 0.0g

Cooking Light, APRIL 1997

Election Day - Don't Forget to Vote!

2008-11-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to vote today!

That is what I told Dan this morning as I was leaving the house. The kids looked at me funny because Dan tells them that he is going to write in "Tiger Woods for President" instead of vote for either Obama or McCain. I took this as another teachable moment opportunity for the kids: It doesn't matter who Dad votes for, as long as he votes. Everybody should vote because that is one of the greatest freedoms that we have in our country.

The kids get to vote today in the classroom. So, Andrew thought he would be funny and told me that he is going to vote like Daddy, for Tiger Woods. I told him - if you think he would make the best President, then vote for him. Ha - I stumped a 4th grader. Moral victory - to Mom.

Detention and the "M" Word

2008-11-03T14:15:00.000-08:00

On Friday, the boys were anxious to tell me that another little boy in their class got detention. Detention is a very rare thing in 4th grade at our school, so my curiosity was piqued. So, I asked what "Joe" did to deserve detention. His crime was twofold: (1) he stuffed his hot pocket in his milk (not sure why this was an act worthy of detention because it seems like normal boy behavior to me, but according to Mark & Andrew it was detention worthy because it was wasting food), and (2) he called a teacher the "m" word.

Now, being the helicopter mom that I am, I was surprised that my kids knew what the "m" word even was - and more importantly, where did they learn the "m" word. I thought the "m" word was the Hip-Hop swear word mother ______. So, I asked them what was the "m" word. They told me, Mom, you know, the word that you use all the time. I am instantly perplexed because the "m" word I am thinking of is a word that I have never used to my recollection. So, I asked them for some context. Andrew explains, you know, when somebody is driving in front of you and making you mad. Oh....you mean "moron".... The boys just looked at me with a big "duh" look on their face.

Don't get me wrong. I think calling a teacher any name is disrespectful and worthy of detention...it just surprised me that "moron" is now put in the same class of derogatory words that can't be uttered out loud. Perhaps civility is returning to our society after all (just not in our car when I am driving!)

Television: Part II: Drug Ads

2008-09-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

This musing is less about the kids than a general observation about the silliness of drug ads. Do you remember the good old days where pharmaceutical companies were prohibited from advertising on T.V.? Now, I don't think it is possible to watch an hour of T.V. without seeing a drug ad. I can't believe these ads are effective. More time is spent by the announcer revealing all of the potential side effects than the attributes of the drug. The one that caught my eye this morning was a new drug that helps people stop smoking. Some of the potential side effects: suicidal thoughts, depression and death. I've never been a smoker, but why would somebody pick a drug that could cause their death instead of a patch?

These ads defy everything that I learned in my B-School marketing classes. Spend millions of dollars on expensive television ads where most of the air time is used to talk about the downside of the product. Other than politics, in what other industry does this happen?

Imagine if this were used to sell food products, like hot dogs. The opening frame would show a happy family eating hot dogs at a baseball game. The announcer says "Hot dogs are an All-American food for your family to enjoy not just watching America's favorite past-time, but at any time of the day." Then the announcer would start in on the warnings: Consult your doctor before eating hot dogs. Hot dogs contain nitrates which in some cases may cause cancer. Hot dogs can also pose a choking hazard for young children, so use caution while eating. Hot dogs also contain high levels of cholesterol and may raise the risk of heart attack in some people.

It is crazy! No other company would spend money to tell the population about the bad effects of their products - nobody would buy them. But, drug ads must be effective because pharmaceutical companies continue to use them to promote their products. It truly has me stumped - and amazed at the same time.

Television: Part I: Parental Locks

2008-09-30T13:20:00.000-07:00

This week, I took advantage of the "parental lock" on our digital cable T.V. I knew the day would come - I just didn't think I would need to use it now.

Some background: the boys wake up REALLY early in the morning, so we let them watch T.V. in our family room. Usually they watch CNN because the choices at 6:00 a.m. are news, cartoons that they outgrew when they were 4 or infomercials. But, at some point, they discovered a channel that I think is called "Real TV". What caught their eye when they were flipping channels was lights and sirens - for whatever reason, the boys are still fascinated with firetrucks and police cars.

The problem: this weekend, the boys were playing with their hot wheel cars, and Andrew pulled over Mark for drunk driving and being "passed out" at the wheel. I about gave myself whiplash turning to see what they were talking about. A few questions later and they showed me the channel. It is like COPS on steroids. Talk about a parenting reality check!

So, I activated the parental lock and blocked that channel. If only I had a videotape of the next morning when the boys were trying to figure out what happened to their channel. They tried for awhile to figure out the password and then gave up. I was so smug at being able to outsmart the 9 year olds, until they got savvy with On Demand.

Around September 11th, On Demand Discovery channel had a show about the Twin Towers. Mark still wants to be a firefighter, so you can imagine why he was drawn to some of the footage. But, not exactly the footage that I would have preferred the boys to be exposed to at their age. The downside to the parental lock is that it doesn't work On Demand. How could a cable company give you the ability to control your kids worlds and then leave a great big loophole?

Not one to give up easily, I resorted to a low-tech solution: The remote control goes to bed with me. And, the boys are too lazy to manually change the channel from the one it is on before I go to bed: CNN.

Soccer Mom Who Doesn't Wear Lipstick

2008-09-11T08:50:00.000-07:00

My conservative friends...my apologies in advance. This is a political post with opinions that you may disagree with, but I really hope not.

I have made no secret of the fact that I strongly support Obama to be President. I supported him in the primaries, and I took the kids with me to one of his rallies. It was an opportunity for them for many reasons, which I will describe in a subsequent blog post.

The kids know why I support Obama, and one of the main reasons involves the pure nature of the political campaign of 2004. I absolutely abhor misleading political ads, and the 2004 campaign seemed to reach a new low. Yes, my conservative friends, I know that both sides engage in misleading attacks. However, it is the nature of what is being misled that has upset me so much - it is one thing to mischaracterize a vote and another thing to smear a person's integrity or character. It is the latter that especially has no place in our politics in my opinion.

I want to raise the kids to be informed voters, i.e. voters who can distinguish between a misleading ad and the actual facts. The last two weeks have given us an opportunity to put into practice my philosophy. The kids are familiar with the internet, so I added a new website to their repertoire: http://www.factcheck.org/. When the ad appeared claiming that Sarah Palin told Congress "Thanks but no Thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere, we fact checked it and found that it was misleading. Ditto on the "Lipstick on a Pig" ad. We have done the same with Obama - his ads claiming that McCain supports troops in Iraq for 100 years was fact checked.

However, despite my best of intentions with the kids, "fact checking" ads has had an unintended consequence. Mark asked me last night if every politician lies. That made me very sad, and yes, ashamed, of our country's state of politics. What does this style of politics teach our children? I think this is a legitimate question for both liberals and conservatives. Why can't campaigns just run truthful statements? I have no answer. I didn't know what to say to Mark - other than we are only fact checking some, but not all ads, because I don't want him to grow up to be a cynic like Dan.

So .... my conservative and liberal friends - please comment - please tell me why both sides are not standing up and demanding that our politicians follow the rule that we, as parents, insist upon our children following: honesty.

Political Phrases That Drive Me Crazy

2008-08-21T07:03:00.000-07:00

I grew up being very indifferent to politics, for the most part. However, since the mid-1990s, I have turned into a political junkie who watches CNN everyday and reads The Atlantic regularly, not to mention various blogs. Which might be part of the reason certain phrases uttered by John McCain and Barack Obama are driving me crazy. Rather than scream at the T.V., I thought I would "vent" my exasperation here.

John McCain:

1. "My Friends". If I read that phrase again, I might poke my eyes out. I think nearly every paragraph in his speeches starts out with "My Friends". If I were younger, I could get quite drunk playing a drinking game of having a shot every time McCain uttered these words. I don't know why he assumes that all readers or audience members are his "friends" - that is just plain silly. Unless....it is a part of a plan to brainwash Americans by repeating that phrase so often that come November, the nation rises up to pull the lever for somebody they now subconsciously view as their friend. Nah....I'm not quite a conspiracy theorist yet.

And, my conservative pals, don't even bother trying to push me over the edge by starting to insert that phrase into our conversations. I might poke out your eyes.

2. "Surge". This phrase has become the equivalent of Rudy Guillani inserting "9/11" into every single speech he gives. Indeed, if you combined a drinking game with "My, Friends" and "the Surge" it might push the intoxication to the point of alcohol poisoning.

Barack Obama

1. "Change". You can keep the slogan, but it is time to use different words in speeches. I don't know if it could be used as a drinking game because as soon as I hear the word, I tune out. I've heard it for over a year now....come up with something new.

2. "We are not a Red America or a Blue America, we are the United States of America". That was uplifting the first time I heard it....the second time, it was a reminder ....now, it is a tired, worn out phase that is on the cusp of becoming the Democrats equivalent of Rudy Guillani's inserting "9/11" into every speech or debate.

I'm sure that as the campaign drags on, there will be additional phrases or words that will rise to the level of poking my eye out. It is, unfortunately, the nature of today's campaigns that require policy decisions to be boiled down to sound bites.

Oh, Dan just suggested that I could save my eyes by not reading anything political and watching something other than CNN because at the end of the day, in his opinion, it doesn't matter who is the President. I told him I would do that as soon as he walks away from golf....we all have our hobbies.

Back to School = Mommy Guilt

2008-08-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of school, and I have a confession: I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom until my kids were in school.

My mommy guilt is full blown today. I don't mean the, wouldn't it be great if I could have cookies and milk for the kids after school kind of guilt. My guilt is more, wouldn't it be great if they had an hour of just free play time a day. The kids are essentially gone for 12 hours a day. They go to school at 7:50 a.m. and after school gets out at 2:50 p.m., they go to an after school program until 5:30 p.m. From there, we have either soccer practice or swimming practice at 6:00 p.m. We get home around 7:00 p.m. and then it is supper and homework (about 45 minutes to an hour) and bedtime at 8:30 p.m.

My second confession is that because of our tight schedule, I have been reluctant to force the kids to read for 30 minutes at night. The kids hate reading, and I am more inclined, because of my guilt, to let them play for 30 minutes with their Legos than read a book. Which means their reading scores are at the bottom of average and teachers chastise us for not having the kids read at home. To which I've always wanted to retort that a better solution in my opinion would be a longer school day.

In fact, I find it very interesting that as a child, I don't remember having much homework in elementary school. Sports also did not start until middle school. Something has happened, and I don't think it is a good thing. The schools, and therefore, the kids, are expected to learn more in elementary school and there aren't enough hours in the day for the extra learning. So, teachers pass the homework on to the kids and the parents. At the same time, society has moved sports to start in kindergarten and 1st grade. If you wait until the kids are in middle school, they are behind the other kids, and I can only imagine the psychological repercussions.

Because I feel it is so important to just have play time for kids, I feel like the entire society has moved to a system that gives kids with stay-at-home moms an advantage. At least until the kids are old enough to be latch-key kids and stay at home by themselves after school.

Life is Not Fair

2008-08-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

I made a fatal mistake early on raising the kids: I tried to do everything fair. If I bought a shirt for Mark, then I also bought one for Andrew and Emily. I went down this path partly because I thought that way the kids would all grow up knowing they were equally loved and I had no favorites. I also went down this path because I am lazy. I could buy 1 toy for $5.00 and have to deal with three kids fighting over the 1 toy, or I could buy 3 identical toys and have a brief moment of sanity. For the price of an extra $10.00, I always picked sanity.

I should have known this was a bad path for parenting when the boys were in kindergarten. They started to keep "track" of how many birthday parties they each got invited to, how many books I ordered for each of them from the book orders, how many times they each got to sit in the front seat of the car, etc. How they could keep "track" of all of these things and not memorize spelling words is one of life's mysteries.

At some point, I snapped. All of the bickering about something not being "fair" just pushed me over the edge. I decided it was time to institute an immediate flip-flop in mommy policy positions and instituted a full blown campaign to demonstrate that life is NOT fair. We engaged in some community service activities to show the kids that some families can't afford to buy school supplies when school starts or presents at Christmas. I stopped trying to be "fair". If I found clothes on sale for one kid, the other two were out of luck (and I was too because I was addicted to buying quiet moments of sanity and the "out of luck" kids did not take kindly to the new campaign).

A few years later, and the kids have steadfastly refused to accept the lesson that Life is Not Fair. I have not given up the campaign, and I use every opportunity to reinforce it. Last night, it was Shawn Johnson's performance in the all-around gymnastic events. The judging is subjective, and our family thought she deserved a higher score on the uneven bars. She ended up with the Silver Medal. Lesson to kids: See, Life is Not Fair. Second Lesson to kids: Look at how she just accepted and appreciated the medal she did receive. That attitude is what I can only dream my kids have as they get older - despite the rocky path I started them on when they were younger.

Life is not always fair - but it is how you handle the challenges that really matter.

The Politics of China or Olympics Part II

2008-08-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

Being a political junkie mom, our family discussions about the Olympics could not be complete without a discussion of the differences between China and the United States.

I opened the door by talking about differences between freedom of speech in the United States and China, and the kids could not understand what I was talking about. It was simply impossible for them to comprehend being put in jail for saying something the government didn't like. So, like many things for the kids, the initial way they try to understand something new is to ask questions.

So, they asked questions like:

"Could they put you in jail if they didn't like the way they looked." To make it simple, I said "yes." To which, Andrew piped up - I want to live in China and have Emily visit me and then they could put Emily in jail because I would tell them I don't like the way she looks. Sigh....really, Andrew DOES like Emily....but they have had too much togetherness this summer.

So, then I had to clarify that what I meant is that China might put somebody in jail if they were wearing a shirt that said something the government didn't like, such as "give the Chinese the same freedoms and rights as Americans" (I couldn't think of anything else). Of course, their next question was:

"What if Michael Phelps wore that shirt?"

"No, they wouldn't put him in jail, but they might make him leave China."

"What if he was about to swim, would they let him finish? Or, what if he was waiting for his gold medal, would he still get it?"

At which point, I decided it was time to go back to watching the games on television. My lesson learned: Do not quit my day job to be a civics lesson teacher to 3rd and 4th graders!

Musings on the Summer Olympics

2008-08-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

Summer Olympic-Mania has hit our household. Dinner conversation is not complete without a discussion of the Olympics, and the kids are relishing in the temporary suspension of bedtimes so that they can watch the swimming finals live. Watching the Olympics has churned some thoughts to share:

Beach Volleyball. This is an Olympic sport? Is there something about wearing bikinis and hitting a volleyball in sand that has elevated the athletic challenges to the point of being an Olympic sport? It seems a little bit ridiculous to me....and to Emily too. Emily asked whether Tetherball (her 3rd favorite "sport") was an Olympic sport? I told her it might be if they played it in sand while wearing bikinis.

Gymnastics. Both the U.S. and Chinese teams are simply amazing. BUT, I find it very hard to believe that at least 3 of the members of the Chinese teams are 16 - they look like they are only 12. That being said, it simply astounds me that those girls can handle the pressure of the Olympics - both in success and defeat. I can't imagine holding a smile after making a major mistake - I wouldn't be able to stop the tears.

Swimming. Let's just say....how AWESOME is Michael Phelps? AND, how even more AWESOME was it that the USA beat the smack-talking French team in the 4x100 relay! Dan, who is very anti-French (his viewpoint stems from the fact that the USA had to "rescue" them in 2 world wars - even though I reminded him that we wouldn't be the USA without the French help in the Revolutionary war) couldn't believe the French had the audacity to talk smack about the USA team. Lesson learned: smack talk is never a good thing. Creates bad karma.

Politics - July 1979

2008-07-30T09:23:00.001-07:00

In July 1979, I was 9, and my world was focused on making sure that I was at the swimming pool at 1:00 p.m. when it opened, avoiding my obnoxious brother at all costs and pretending that I was one of Charlie's Angels. Out of curiosity, I googled the date to find out what was really happening in the world in July of 1979 (clearly I am procrastinating on working). What I found on wikipedia was rather timely and interesting (at least to me, the political junkie):

Assistant Senate Republican leader Ted Stevens says President Carter “might be having some sort of a mental problem” and suggested that the chief executive “take a rest.” He said he was prompted by cloakroom talk about Carter’s shakeup of his Administration, and because Carter is commander in chief of the military. “I thought we were looking at another Nixon...now I know we’re looking at another Nixon.”

Ted Stevens was indicted yesterday for corruption charges....and he is linking Carter to Nixon. Priceless.

President Carter outlines a six-point program to reduce the current level of oil imports by 50% by 1990. The quota would be met by conservation and development of substitute fuels. The U.S. imports about 9 million barrels a day.

What would the world be like if Carter had been re-elected in 1980 - maybe gas would not be $4.00 a gallon and hybrids would have made their debut in 1988.

Now, while I find these things interesting, if Dan reads this blogpost, he would comment "it just goes to show that nothing ever changes in politics."

Lesson Learned

2008-06-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

Before I had kids, I made broad statements on parenting, but once I had kids, those statements seemed more like wishful thinking. For example, I once said "my kids are never going to eat at McDonald's." That "statement" was busted about the time the boys were two and I was looking for an indoor playland. Another time, I said that "my kids are never going to have a video game." That was busted about the time the kids were 5 and "Santa" bought them Leapsters.

This weekend, I "busted" another parenting statement. I swore that if my kids were in sports, I would not be a back-seat coach and I would let the coaches do their jobs. This weekend, the kids were in a swim meet. For the last six weeks, they have been practicing backstroke "flip turns". These turns are technically challenging because it requires that the swimmer know how many strokes from the flags (at the end of the pool) to the wall, and they use that count in the event to turn on their stomachs close to the wall, flip and then continue doing the backstroke. It's hard. BUT, the kids have been doing it in practice, and I know they can do it.

So, me, in my brilliant wisdom, told the kids that I didn't care what their times were for any of their events, but I did want them to try to do the backstroke flipturn (instead of just swimming into the wall, touching it and then going). First up, was Emily. The boys & I were waiting for her at the end of the pool. Then the boys tell me that they didn't practice their backstroke in the warm-ups and so they have no idea how many strokes it will take them from the flags to the end of the pool. Well, how can you do a backstroke flip turn then?! Unfortunately, it was too late to help Emily. Bless her little heart. She was doing an absolute perfect backstroke and was leading in her heat....until she tried to do her flip turn. She turned on her stomach too early. She didn't know what to do, so she stood up and started crying. I eventually convinced her to finish, but she was very upset. I should have just kept my mouth shut and encouraged them to have fun. Argh. Lesson learned. Coaches coach; not parents.

But, all is well that ends well. After an hour rain delay, Emily swam the best 50 meter breast stroke that we have ever seen her do, and she qualified for the state meet in that event with a time of 1:03:27. To qualify she needed at least a 1:10:59. Her smile at the end of that event made all the tears from the backstroke event a forgotten memory. Fortunately, her mom's memory is very long, and I don't think I will ever forget the lesson that I learned at this swim meet.

Golfing and Working Moms

2008-06-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Golfing, or what I fondly refer to as "Whack-A-Ball", is something that I cannot avoid in my profession or marriage to a golf aficionado. This morning, a client was sponsoring a golf tournament, and so we rounded up a team from the office to participate.

My gal-pal colleague and I were quietly chatting about the fact that few working moms are golfers, let alone good golfers. But, the reverse is not true with working dads. One of the "gray-haired" partners with grown children at my firm can't understand why I don't take lessons so I can play better. I have 3 good reasons: Mark, Andrew and Emily. Between working, soccer games, swim team and ordinary errands, my schedule does not have room for me to learn how to play golf (and that is assuming that I would want to spend my spare time chasing a little ball with a stick....although, it is the one "sport" that allows participants to drink beer while participating in the game....that is at least one reason to play golf).

The question still remains, why are more working dads better at golf? My gal-pal & I think it is because women generally bear more of the family responsibilities than men. I don't know of a single mom who takes 4 hours to play a round of golf on a Saturday while the dad watches the kids. That scenario is so unrealistic as to border on a scene is in some fantasy show. However, the reverse is reality: many moms will watch the kids on a Saturday so the husband can go golfing.

So, at least for the near future, I will continue to endure the twice a year marketing golf outings, and proudly record my obscene handicap as a sign that I am devoted mother, who given 4 hours away from the kids would rather spend the time and money at a spa than chasing a stupid ball while being eaten by mosquitoes.

Guilty Environmentalist

2008-06-21T15:37:00.000-07:00

What is an environmentalist mother to do? I am very conscious of the scarcity of water. We have a drum to collect rainwater to water the plants and we are saving money to replace the backyard with xeriscaping. We do not mind having a brown lawn.

But....the kids LOVE to play with the waterhose. They have been playing with the waterhose for the last hour - filling up balloons and dropping them from the deck. They have created "water buddies" using old soda bottles. Their giggling is music to my ears. Good old fashioned fun. But, I can't help but cringe at the waste of the water. Should I turn off the water? Figure out how to capture the water from the hose? Go bury my head in the sand? Life was easier when I wasn't trying to figure out how to save the earth at the same time as raising the little rascals who are drawn to water like a duck. I am one very mixed up and confused earth mother. I think I will go have a glass of white wine on the deck and ponder the question some more - and enjoy their innocent, technology-free play.

I Hate Webkinz!

2008-06-20T07:06:00.001-07:00

If you have never heard of Webkinz, please read on so you are fully informed about this toy, and if you are a parent with a child who has a Webkinz, you may understand my rant.

So, what is a Webkinz? It is a stuffed animal that comes with a computer code so that you can create a "virtual pet". I had never heard of Webkinz until my conservative sister-in-law mentioned that she was buying one for my niece and nephew for Christmas. Once the "pet" is adopted, it comes with an allowance for the child to purchase food and items for the pet. Once the money is spent, there are games for the child to "earn" more money - some of which are educational, but most of which are not. My kids love Zoo Tycoon, and so I thought this seemed like something they would like. The Webkinz arrived at our house on Christmas morning from "Santa".

Six months later and I detest the evil Webkinz. Dan calls Webkinz crack for kids. My kids have played computer games before, but the Webkinz has an addictive aspect to it that we have not experienced with other computer games. The first thing the kids want to do in the morning: play Webkinz. The first thing they want to do after school: play Webkinz. Given the opportunity, they would play Webkinz non-stop for days on end.

There are many problems with the addictive nature of Webkinz, but it is compounded in our family. In addition to limiting computer time, I have to come up with a schedule for computer time and then enforce the schedule, aka:

Mark: "But, Mom, I just need one more minute to put my pet to bed"
Andrew: "But it's MY TURN! GET OFF THE COMPUTER!"
Me: "Mark, get off the computer. It is your brother's turn."
Mark: "Okay, Mom".
Andrew: "MARK GET OFF THE COMPUTER!"
Me: "MARK! Your turn is over."
Mark: "I know. O.K."
Andrew: "Mom, Mark is not getting off the computer."

Me - At this point, I am wishing for the early 1980s commercial for Calgon Bubble Bath to come true: "Calgon....take me away!!"

You get the picture. Evil, vile toy. I have enough battles to referee among the kids, and Webkinz has just added to it. The light at the end of the tunnel - the Webkinz code "expires" after a year, unless you pay more money. Darn. Only six more months to go....

P.S. The photograph is a picture of the "Love Frog" Webkinz courtesy of Mark...and the Irony of the name has not escaped me.

Beyond Technology - Helicopter Moms

2008-06-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

I read this story a couple of months ago about parenting styles and "helicopter moms" versus "free range moms" and a related story on the issue. These articles have sparked many conversations with other moms about how much freedom do you give your kids?

I know....it all depends upon the child and his or her maturity. But, I also think that part of the "freedom" is a reflection of parenting styles. In the interest of full disclosure, I tend to be more of a helicopter mom (and Dan is even more of a hovering parent than I am!). Ironically, both Dan & I were raised with much more of a free range. I walked a mile to school by myself from about 2nd grade (it's true!), roamed the neighborhood with my bike and rode the bus to the mall with friends by 4th grade. Dan has similar experiences. But, as parents, we can't imagine giving our kids that much freedom. Indeed, we drive our kids to school when the school is only 4 blocks away. What I can't figure out is why am I a helicopter mom?

We live in a very safe, small community with low crime, and indeed, crime is actually at the bottom of my list of worries. What I worry about most is that without parental supervision, the kids will misbehave. They are not bad kids...but they definitely have a group mentality/lack of any awareness of their surroundings that makes it more difficult for mature thoughts to prevail. I have witnessed many times when one child (usually Mark) comes up with an idea and immediately, Andrew and Emily are helping to implement the idea, such as the time when Mark decided to duct-tape a saucer sled on a skateboard to create a "summer sled". They also lack awareness of their surroundings - Andrew doesn't think twice about shoving Mark when Mark is purposefully pushing his buttons. Without supervision, where is the check to make sure the bad behavior is stopped or bad ideas are not implemented? That's the point - I can't let go of my hovering.

But, the rational part of my brain tells me that I have to learn how to not hover so much and to try to expect the best out of them. So, I decided to slowly give the kids some more rope - and give the evil neighbor-lady a chance to follow-through on her threat to call the police if she sees my kids misbehave (THAT story is too long for any blog post. Suffice it to say that in this blog post and all others, she is Mrs. Evil-Neighbor Lady). Last night was my first opportunity to try to give up some of my control. I had to take Emily to soccer and there was a 15 minutes stretch before Dan would be home from work. Rather than take the boys with me and have Dan stop by the soccer field, I left them alone at home (which reminds me, I need to check the statutes to find out whether it is illegal to leave 9 year olds home alone for short periods of time). While I am sure I have a few more gray hairs over the experience, they did just fine - no injuries (to each other or the house). It is going to take a long time to break the hovering, but at least I feel like I'm trying. Slowly. While closing my eyes tight and saying "lalalalala" to keep out any possible thoughts of bad things that could happen.

P.S. The picture at the top is from Mark's camera....not the best quality, but he loves taking pictures

Technology and Spelling

2008-06-18T09:33:00.001-07:00

How relevant is spelling? Week after week, Mark, Andrew and Emily bring home their spelling lists to "practice" and memorize. Emily does well at memorization; Mark and Andrew not so much. Particularly, Mark. Some examples: Vagation (vacation); surpris (surprise); sistr (sister). But, with spellcheck and the frequent use of abbreviations in texting, it strikes me that poor spelling should not put me into panic mode - especially when the rest of his report card is just fine.

But....just as I became comfortable with the fact that he would never be a speller, I came across this article from the Washington Post talking about spelling, including the dismissal by teachers that spelling is irrelevant because of spell check. What I found especially intriguing about the article is differentiating between rote memorization in teaching spelling and teaching spelling in the broader context of meaning of words and conceptualization. Instead of learning how to just spell "vacation", the kids are taught the meaning of the word and how they can fit it into a sentence as an expression. Interesting idea.

In our school, the focus is on rote memorization. Which, especially for Mark & Andrew, is boring; they are curious little boys. They still ask "Why" about everything - almost to the point of exasperation. The article has made me curious to find out if the boys will do better at spelling next year if, instead of us sitting down and making them memorize the words for a Friday spelling test, we broaden the focus to include the meaning of words. So the words are more than just letters (the correct spelling of which is quickly forgotten after the Friday quiz). As I type this blog, I am selling myself on this idea.

As I reflect on this, as Mark has gone through his phases of being fascinated by space and the Titanic, he has excellent spelling of words related to those topics. And, it seems that if we can get Mark to spell better through context, it will help him even more than spell check since spell check cannot pick up context - deer versus dear, for example. Well, at least until spell check and grammar check are improved through advanced technology.

Stay tuned to see how spelling comes along in 4th grade....

Day One: Musings on Technology

2008-06-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my first attempt at blogging! Why a blog? For fun ... and to make sure that I can at least pretend to be "with it" when it comes to technology as the kids get older. Although, as I think about it, perhaps this blog could be used as discipline leverage: "If you don't pick up your clothes, I am going to tell the world about it on my blog". The embarrassment factor. The equivalent of, in my days, my mom threatening to go to the mall with me. Well, not exactly equivalent....but the possibility of a blog as discipline leverage is enticing.

Technology seems to be advancing faster than this 38 year old mom can handle. There are kids in school, in 3rd grade, who have cell phones. The first time I heard this, I couldn't believe it. What does a 9 year old need with a cell phone?! I have no idea what age my kids will have a cell phone - probably not until they are in high school. And, then....the issue will become texting.

Oh, for the days of passing notes. I came across a notebook from law school where a friend and I had been having a "conversation" during a particularly boring lecture on constitutional law. It now seems so dated. Texting and IMs are the new tool for passing notes to friends. My kids already roll their eyes when I tell them, I remember when we didn't have the Internet. They can't even fathom life without Google, and I have trouble grasping the reality of on-line bullying and the digital memory recording the follies of youth. Is it just me, or is it harder to raise kids with all the new technology....or maybe, every generation of moms says that. I'm sure my mom was not thrilled with the CD technology that allowed me to endlessly loop and play Madonna's Like a Virgin. I now truly understand my mom's statement that I was giving her gray hairs.